Where do I even begin?
There are plenty of bad books in the world. There are plenty of bad books drowning in unwarranted praise. There are plenty of books that aren't bad, but that just aren't the right books for me. None of these usually bother me for longer than it takes me to read a chapter or two.
Then there's The Kingkiller Chronicle.
I started reading The Name of the Wind with perfectly fine intentions*. Someone recommended it to me, I read a few chapters, I thought it was mediocre and I stopped. But, unlike most mediocre books I start and decide not to continue, The Name of the Wind would not leave me alone. Praise for it showed up everywhere. Pat Rothfuss was a guest at conventions I went to. News of options for film and TV was all over the entertainment sites I read. A couple of my friends got involved with a Worldbuilders fundraising event. And people I know - people I respect - kept asking me if I'd read it, and reacting with horror when I said I couldn't get past the first ten chapters.
Eventually, something had to give, and clearly that something wasn't going to be the book. So I gritted my teeth, knuckled down, and read The Name of the Wind, The Wise Man's Fear, and The Slow Regard of Silent Things in quick succession. Honestly, they weren't as bad as I remembered.
They were worse.
Have you ever read a book or watched a movie that felt like it was designed to annoy you personally? The more I read, the less I could shake the feeling that I was the butt of some elaborate joke Rothfuss had concocted at my specific expense. Time after time Rothfuss introduced some key element to the story - music, street performing, conlang - that touched on some specific experience or passion of mine, and then he'd go and cock it up in a way that set my eyelids twitching.
I'm a big fan of sporks and review blogs, and I'm not one to shy away from a challenge (read: I have no idea when to back away from a bad idea), and The Kingkiller Chronicle felt like a personal challenge. So I'm sporking it. Chapter by chapter, line by line if I have to.
Along the way, I'll be taking a cue from Das Sporking, the best community of sporkers on the internet, and tallying up the faults that - to my mind - best demonstrate why this series deserves a spork at all.
So here goes. I, Galatea, being of sound mind and body, do hereby resolve to thoroughly spork The Kingkiller Chronicle, and not to cease until either I or the series has triumphed.
God help us all.
*Actually, I first read it because a girl my then-boyfriend dumped me for said it was her favourite book and I wanted to see what made her so special. So my intentions weren't entirely fine.
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